Wednesday, December 31, 2014

It is the last day of 2014. Today started out normal. I woke up ornery and grumpy and yelled at the kids when they weren't really doing anything wrong. I got over my mood and let them play with friends and called my dad. My mom has been sick since christmas, but we have been so busy that i hadn't really paid much attention. We also had a really big storm and everyone had phones down so i hadn't talked to my mom and dad for a couple of days. I had tried but they didn't answer. i finally got a hold of my dad. he said my mom was still sick and i told him that i though he should take her to the hospital. if she wasn't feeling better by now then something must be wrong. So he took her after shanea also insisted. i went to the hospital and met them in the ER. shortly thereafter my mom was admitted to the ICU. She is really really sick. her blood was septic from infection. blood pressure so low that the nurse took it several times. and dangerously low blood sugar. but on top of all that she is having some liver failure. they aren't sure if it is temporary or permanent. if it is permanent then my mom will die. i am terrified of that. i am not ready for it. i stayed for about six hours and then i got in my car and cried the entire drive home and prayed to the lord that he wouldn't take her from me. not yet. i need my mom. i want my kids to have their awesome grandmother. my dad is staying the night. shanea had come back by the time i left. but my mom was worse. she knew her name, she knew where she lived. she knew she wanted pills. but she didn't know that it was winter. or that we had just had christmas. she kept trying to get out of bed and leave, and then she gave into sleep just as a blessing was said over her. i know that we will all lose our parents at some point. i accept that, but i just can't bear the though of losing my mom at this point in my life. she is my best friend. she helps me in ways that no one else can. i can completely be my true self around her. i call her everyday and i depend on her in so many ways. please God, please don't let her die.